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Welcome to The Galley aboard the Airship Chronos! We’ll be cooking up all sorts of stories here! We’re kinda new at this, so we’re gonna play it safe and prepare a plain, unremarkable, and all-around totally unoriginal dish, Red Band Society. To start, here’s what we’ll need:

  • A sassy, yet wise black woman who has a tough exterior that conceals a heart of gold
  • A stuck-up, shallow, vapid, self-obsessed cheerleader who has absent parents, that does all the famous and well know drugs, but you’ll feel sorry for her because she has an illness
  • An overachieving know-it-all girl who has all the awards (all of them)
  • A slacker who should really apply himself, and has issues of some sort
  • The slacker’s best friend who’s only there for comic relief
  • A sly and smart new kid that gets stuck with the slacker in order to bond and become friends
  • And one idea that’s just different enough and has potential to justify calling the show “original.”

Prepare with A LOT of exposition, and explain every one’s character in lieu of letting anything speak for itself. Next you’ll need the best substitute for character development and engaging story telling that gets the audience to care: SICK KIDS! It’s really important not to cut corners on this one; throw in as much sad, sympathy-building backstory as you can. Throw in dead moms, broken families, lost legs, cancer, anorexia, topical diseases, and poverty as much as you can. Finally, for the setting, stir everything together in a hospital that doubles as a school. Not in an actual medical school like in House, though; this needs to be a school for sick kids. Now that we’ve got all that squared away, you’re going to need to take that one original idea and leave it to the side, don’t worry about it for now, or really ever again; I mean its not like the kid in a coma as a narrator and observer to all the goings on is interesting in anyway. You’ll want to put all your other ingredients into a pot of non-self-aware melodrama and generic inspirational feel-good stuff and let it simmer for a while. Once that is done you can take your “vanilla ice cream on white bread,” as Red Band Society itself put it, and eat it while you look at that one original idea you put aside earlier and think, “Hm, that might have been interesting.”

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